Seven

You are not a baby now
You are a boy now

You should walk now
Maybe even run now

Maybe I mothered you too much
Maybe I obscured the road ahead

That you do not know which way to take
That you can't find the man you will make

But as my grip of your hand gets weaker
Put the man in you to live large and dream forever

I cannot bear that you will let go
I cannot bear that you will let go.

Its a year today

The day that we moved into this house
and the school bus did not bring you home

Its a year today

When I panicked so much
I entered a deep chasm of despair

And when the school found you
I just knew the sun was still shinning on my life

That I was not doomed yet
That I was still blessed.

Will you hate me?

I have learnt
that in time,
what a mother does
is unappreciated

In my experience
I have seen that children
blame their mothers first
for what has happened

But if I can I want to avoid
the day when you will grow
and be strong enough to be a man
and point an accusing finger

or turn away from me
and hate me for what you want
for the things that you imagine
and the things that are true

I will rather not be there
to see how beautiful
your life is now
that you do not want to be kind to me.

Miracles don't know they are miracles.

No one tells a miracle,
what it is,
Just because miracles are mystic
Does not mean that they know
What makes a miracle happen
Does it wait in the woodwork
Or eavesdrop
Or is it sent like a letter in the mail
From a diety of whom you asked
How miracles happen
maybe the walls know
but walls have only ears
not eyes to witness
nor lips to tell
the walls only hear
It's a Miracle

Mermaid Awaiting

Dear Baby boy,
You calm soul.

Love becomes you,
Soft and warm.

Rush not on your way,
Paddle slow.

Relish each sweet breathe.
soak yourself in sunlight.

From your very first breathe,
You have smeared me with light.

Soon the woman who owns
the strings of your heart will be born.

And for her you must learn to,
Specialise in pleasure and joy.

Slow down, son.
Your partner is growing.

Like a mermaid she glows
waiting to shrug her fins for legs.

That will walk and dance
And entwine yours.

Until then, darling son.
Let me endow myself in your glow.

© Tasnim Jivaji