Its a year today

The day that we moved into this house
and the school bus did not bring you home

Its a year today

When I panicked so much
I entered a deep chasm of despair

And when the school found you
I just knew the sun was still shinning on my life

That I was not doomed yet
That I was still blessed.

Will you hate me?

I have learnt
that in time,
what a mother does
is unappreciated

In my experience
I have seen that children
blame their mothers first
for what has happened

But if I can I want to avoid
the day when you will grow
and be strong enough to be a man
and point an accusing finger

or turn away from me
and hate me for what you want
for the things that you imagine
and the things that are true

I will rather not be there
to see how beautiful
your life is now
that you do not want to be kind to me.